I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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