i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
