was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
