I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize