half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
