can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
