Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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