The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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