What did we do last night that was yellow?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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