The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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