I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
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