If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
