Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
