my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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