I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
