Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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