I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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