I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
