K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
