You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
