How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
