I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
