Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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