Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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