Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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