Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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