Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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