College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
