im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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