i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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