do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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