first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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