i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
