I want to stick my p in your. b.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
