I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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