she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
