I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
