I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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