There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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