What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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