I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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