I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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