fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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