You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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