I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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