Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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