I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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