she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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