Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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