he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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