Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
