My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
