ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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