Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
