I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
